The Four Loves

According to CS Lewis, (and many others) there are four main types of love; affection, friendship, eros, and charity.

Affection is a love largely based out of familiarity and a strong connection with another, much like a family member or very close friend. Affection is a very natural and necessary love. It is incredibly flawed and at the same time powerfully forgiving. And it is in that duality of strength and weakness that the nature of affection is revealed.

Take my parents. They annoy the crap out of me and can get on my nerves like no other. But there are no words to describe how much I love them. It is an inborn feeling of connectedness that will withstand anything. But that is obvious because I came from them. But I share a similar "blind" love with other people in my life, friends that I love without prejudice who's lives are intertwined in amazing ways.

Friendship is kind of like affection light. Rather than being rooted in a near-chemical codependency (and I say that in a very positive way), friendship is about the shared love for an experience, ideal or something of that sort. There again is a duality in this type of love like with affection. This time in that friendship not necessary of emotional survival, yet can be seen as the purest form of love because it is focused on that shared commonality rather than an individual, and is free from the dependence.

I also see this as one of the most common forms of love in that we share it with so many people on so many different levels. In the grandest sense, I take this to be proof that I have no choice but to love everyone in the world, if only because they exist at the same time as I do. When I meet someone, we have a shared experience and my love for them grows. As our lives interact, that love grows, shrinks and morphs into countless derivations. It could one day transform into affection, or our next type of love, eros.

Eros is the act of being in love. While this is commonly thought of in the romantic form, that is not the only characteristic/type of eros. One of the key features of eros love is an appreciation for that which is love without regard for the "return investment" so to speak, basically the love in unaffected by the actions of the beloved.

I've never been in love, so I find it hard to talk about the eros love even though it is independent of typical romantic ties. For whatever reason, my brain ties the two together, and I it becomes difficult for me to recognize and appreciate eros love for what it is. But as I've been witting this, I had a mini epiphany, hopefully good things to come.

The last love according to Lewis is charity. Lewis considers this the greatest love of all because it is the most selfless and the most God-like. Lewis paints a picture of a God that is so full of love that he can't help but give it out in abundance. I think that is a wonderful way to view God as a compassionate giver of love.

To me, I always felt God's love expressed through people. Because God is an intangible thing, the expression of God's love can only be felt through the love of others, through their charitable acts of love. I used to believe that someone's love towards me is a direct act of love by God. Recently I feel each individual is unique and free in their gifts of love. It kind of challenges the idea of free will if God chooses whom to express His love through. Shouldn't it be up to each person to decide to what degree to love someone?

But I stray from the point. The lesson to me is that love is a gift to be shared, and a love shared is a love strengthened.

Love is a complicated expression, and yet it is the purest and most powerful gift we can give. The smallest expression of love can make the biggest impact for someone, and the best thing is there is an abundant supply that will never run out, we can just keep making more.