The Four Loves

According to CS Lewis, (and many others) there are four main types of love; affection, friendship, eros, and charity.

Affection is a love largely based out of familiarity and a strong connection with another, much like a family member or very close friend. Affection is a very natural and necessary love. It is incredibly flawed and at the same time powerfully forgiving. And it is in that duality of strength and weakness that the nature of affection is revealed.

Take my parents. They annoy the crap out of me and can get on my nerves like no other. But there are no words to describe how much I love them. It is an inborn feeling of connectedness that will withstand anything. But that is obvious because I came from them. But I share a similar "blind" love with other people in my life, friends that I love without prejudice who's lives are intertwined in amazing ways.

Friendship is kind of like affection light. Rather than being rooted in a near-chemical codependency (and I say that in a very positive way), friendship is about the shared love for an experience, ideal or something of that sort. There again is a duality in this type of love like with affection. This time in that friendship not necessary of emotional survival, yet can be seen as the purest form of love because it is focused on that shared commonality rather than an individual, and is free from the dependence.

I also see this as one of the most common forms of love in that we share it with so many people on so many different levels. In the grandest sense, I take this to be proof that I have no choice but to love everyone in the world, if only because they exist at the same time as I do. When I meet someone, we have a shared experience and my love for them grows. As our lives interact, that love grows, shrinks and morphs into countless derivations. It could one day transform into affection, or our next type of love, eros.

Eros is the act of being in love. While this is commonly thought of in the romantic form, that is not the only characteristic/type of eros. One of the key features of eros love is an appreciation for that which is love without regard for the "return investment" so to speak, basically the love in unaffected by the actions of the beloved.

I've never been in love, so I find it hard to talk about the eros love even though it is independent of typical romantic ties. For whatever reason, my brain ties the two together, and I it becomes difficult for me to recognize and appreciate eros love for what it is. But as I've been witting this, I had a mini epiphany, hopefully good things to come.

The last love according to Lewis is charity. Lewis considers this the greatest love of all because it is the most selfless and the most God-like. Lewis paints a picture of a God that is so full of love that he can't help but give it out in abundance. I think that is a wonderful way to view God as a compassionate giver of love.

To me, I always felt God's love expressed through people. Because God is an intangible thing, the expression of God's love can only be felt through the love of others, through their charitable acts of love. I used to believe that someone's love towards me is a direct act of love by God. Recently I feel each individual is unique and free in their gifts of love. It kind of challenges the idea of free will if God chooses whom to express His love through. Shouldn't it be up to each person to decide to what degree to love someone?

But I stray from the point. The lesson to me is that love is a gift to be shared, and a love shared is a love strengthened.

Love is a complicated expression, and yet it is the purest and most powerful gift we can give. The smallest expression of love can make the biggest impact for someone, and the best thing is there is an abundant supply that will never run out, we can just keep making more.

Blood, sweat and an open house

We had the first day of our open house today, and without an ad, we had 4 people stop by. Not a whole lot, which was a little disappointing, but our agent said the ones who did stop by were serious lookers and not the causal passer-by. One guy was an investor who has several properties that he rents. He just sold one and has to buy another one within 180 days or else he has to pay capitol gains taxes on the income, and this would be perfect for him. He was here for 45 minutes.

So I had be out of the house all day, and instead of going out and playing some golf like I had wanted, I worked with my dad like I should have. My dad has helped my brother and I get everything ready on the house for the past 4 weeks, and he asked if I could help out today and tomorrow with a kitchen he was starting, and of course I couldn't say no.

The past couple of kitchens I've helped my dad with have been fun. There was a time when I just stopped enjoying doing that kind of work, so I stopped working with my dad, plus I was also working hard on my career and trying to have some sort of social life. But hen a few months back when we had not roommate, I had a need for some money so I started working with him again. When I get to work with him without my brother being there, it is actually enjoyable. When my brother is there, he treats me like his personal servant who is there to tend to his every need. There was one time when I was up on a ladder installing a light, he was working on some plumbing and he had the audacity to ask me to hand him a pair of pliers that were right next to him.

He can't accept the fact that I know what I am doing and thinks I am still the little 12 year old who rather play soccer than cut tile on a Saturday.

I did both growing up, it's not like my parent made me choose between my childhood and working in the family business, I got to do both, and I am glad I did.

Anyway, the blood part of the day came when I was installing some recessed lights, and I nicked the top on my finger with the knife somehow, and the damn thing wouldn't stop bleeding. When I get cleaned off (no I haven't taken a shower yet, and boy do I smell awesome!) I'm sure it will be this tiny little nothing, but it was dripping blood for like 15 minutes, I guess it was because I was using my hands a lot.

One more open house tomorrow, and more work with my father (with my brother this time) Hopefully it will be a day filled with more people and less blood

upcoming music

The latest from NPR's show All Songs Considered previews new music coming out this spring. Of particular interest to check out is Elbow, Portishead, Firewater, Shearwater, Wolf Parade and My Morning Jacket.

Going dark for a few days. Final push to get the house ready before the first open house next weekend.

Happy listening!

Sometimes it is a good thing to tattle tale

I normally try to stay out of stranger's lives because I want them to stay out of my life. I believe people should be allowed to do what they want as long as it doesn't endanger someone else. the not harming others is sometimes flexible like driving over the speed limit, or drinking too much and vomiting on someone's shoes. But it is not flexible when it comes to children.

Monday night I was on my way home, and was behind this car at a spot light. The light was about to turn green when in their back seat I saw 2 small children pop up in the back seat and start hoping on the back seat. They were no more than 3 years old and completely unrestrained. In fact, one of the girls jokingly used the seat belt to choke the other girl. My first thought was, "crap, now I'm going to have wait for this parent to get these kids back into their car seats" But no, they just drove on. And it's not like we were stuck in crawling traffic, we were moving at 35mph.

So I called the police yesterday and gave them the story and the person license plate number. The police said they would send a letter, and if they receive any more complaints, they can take action against them.

It just fascinates me that in this country you have to be approved before adopting a dog, yet any old idiot can have a child.

Learning my purpose

When I was just a wee young freshmen at JMU, I randomly decided to go home one weekend. I caught a ride home from someone on the ride board and spent a awkward 2 hours with this a very...unique girl. But I got home on Friday night and got to hang out with my family and see some old friends who were still in the area.

The Saturday night, I decided to go back to see my old friends at Metro 29 Diner where I used to work, and I hung out there till like 4am which was stupid cause the only time I could get a ride back to school was at 9am the next morning. When I got home I feel asleep right away which at the time was a rarity for me. I used to have insomnia problems back then. But I fell asleep quickly that night, and actually slipped into a vivid dream right away.

It was a very long and convoluted dream, but I can still remember it to this day. I was feeling sick one day and went to the doctor. The doctor couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and called all of his doctor friends to come and try to figure out what was wrong. Eventually they figured out that I lymphatic cancer, and I would die. But they couldn't tell me when. In fact they said I probably would live a long life without pain, there was just no way of knowing.

They said I could leave and go on my way and live this unknown life, or there was a new treatment involving cryogenic freezing I could try. I asked about that of course, and here is what they told me. They would take me away to the facilities and I could go into the cryogenic container and be frozen, and I would stay there for all eturnity, never to be unfrozen , never to be cured. Oh, and I would have to make my decision right then, and would not be able to say goodbye to any family or friends.

I said, lets go.

Since the doctors had spent so long diagnosing me, I arrived at the facility half way through the instructions about how to put on the special suit, and remove all jewelry. I was the 9 person in line to be frozen that day, and I watched the first person step into the container, get sealed in, then see it fill up with a liquid. There was a little window on the front of the container to watch the person, and as the first person swam in the liquid before it was frozen, you could see his face blindly happy. As the happy dude waved to the rest of us, the liquid was frozen instantly, and right when it happened, the room we were in went completely silent, and became this white space full of light.

The other people were there, but at the same time I was all alone. Then I heard a voice that said "Kevin, it is not your time to die. You must live. You must love. And you must teach others to love."

I instantly woke up sweating and crying, cold and hot at the same time. But I wasn't scared. For the first time in a while, I felt at peace.

That was when I learned why I am here, why I exist and what I need to do with my life. It began my quest to understand love, and has lead me to believe that love is the meaning of life, the reason we exist, and the source of all joy. And I am a teacher of love.