The Four Loves

According to CS Lewis, (and many others) there are four main types of love; affection, friendship, eros, and charity.

Affection is a love largely based out of familiarity and a strong connection with another, much like a family member or very close friend. Affection is a very natural and necessary love. It is incredibly flawed and at the same time powerfully forgiving. And it is in that duality of strength and weakness that the nature of affection is revealed.

Take my parents. They annoy the crap out of me and can get on my nerves like no other. But there are no words to describe how much I love them. It is an inborn feeling of connectedness that will withstand anything. But that is obvious because I came from them. But I share a similar "blind" love with other people in my life, friends that I love without prejudice who's lives are intertwined in amazing ways.

Friendship is kind of like affection light. Rather than being rooted in a near-chemical codependency (and I say that in a very positive way), friendship is about the shared love for an experience, ideal or something of that sort. There again is a duality in this type of love like with affection. This time in that friendship not necessary of emotional survival, yet can be seen as the purest form of love because it is focused on that shared commonality rather than an individual, and is free from the dependence.

I also see this as one of the most common forms of love in that we share it with so many people on so many different levels. In the grandest sense, I take this to be proof that I have no choice but to love everyone in the world, if only because they exist at the same time as I do. When I meet someone, we have a shared experience and my love for them grows. As our lives interact, that love grows, shrinks and morphs into countless derivations. It could one day transform into affection, or our next type of love, eros.

Eros is the act of being in love. While this is commonly thought of in the romantic form, that is not the only characteristic/type of eros. One of the key features of eros love is an appreciation for that which is love without regard for the "return investment" so to speak, basically the love in unaffected by the actions of the beloved.

I've never been in love, so I find it hard to talk about the eros love even though it is independent of typical romantic ties. For whatever reason, my brain ties the two together, and I it becomes difficult for me to recognize and appreciate eros love for what it is. But as I've been witting this, I had a mini epiphany, hopefully good things to come.

The last love according to Lewis is charity. Lewis considers this the greatest love of all because it is the most selfless and the most God-like. Lewis paints a picture of a God that is so full of love that he can't help but give it out in abundance. I think that is a wonderful way to view God as a compassionate giver of love.

To me, I always felt God's love expressed through people. Because God is an intangible thing, the expression of God's love can only be felt through the love of others, through their charitable acts of love. I used to believe that someone's love towards me is a direct act of love by God. Recently I feel each individual is unique and free in their gifts of love. It kind of challenges the idea of free will if God chooses whom to express His love through. Shouldn't it be up to each person to decide to what degree to love someone?

But I stray from the point. The lesson to me is that love is a gift to be shared, and a love shared is a love strengthened.

Love is a complicated expression, and yet it is the purest and most powerful gift we can give. The smallest expression of love can make the biggest impact for someone, and the best thing is there is an abundant supply that will never run out, we can just keep making more.

mmmm, basmati

I stopped at Moby Dick House of Kabob for dinner, I love that rice, it's so buttery good. But I was waiting in line to pay, and I was behind these two 16-17 year old girls that were acting goofy and silly, kinda in their own world having fun. They were being loud, but not really bothering anyone, and it made me think that they were being innocent in an adolescent way. That lead me to think of two things. First, another aspect of innocence is the environment you in, and the people you are with. Second, that to a degree, part of innocence is being able to live in the moment.

It makes good sense that you are most comfortable when you are around only people you are close with. When you are around people you may not know very well, at some place you are not familiar with, or, honestly, someone you don't like, you are not being your true self; you start putting up those barriers to protect yourself from potential harm.

I see a few things I can do with that knowledge. I could avoid any situation where I may be uncomfortable, never taking risks to meet new people, or go new places, thus ensuring the maximum amount of time being innocent. Sounds pretty boring and lonely (hmm, yeah.) Or I can recognize when I am in situations where I am not comfortable enough to be my carefree innocent self, and just accept that as a fact of that moment, with the hope in time, that acceptance of un-comfort becomes comfortable.

Jimbo mentioned in his response that one of the ways we lose our innocence is when we get older, we begin to feel pain and become guarded against taking risks. Part of that comes from the ability to know, to an extent, the reaction to many of our actions. That may be the beginning of our unfortunate habit of looking forward and backward, rather than focusing on the moment. It is obviously not logical to live in the moment 100% of the time, but I know I am guilty of spending too much time in my head rather than being in the moment. So expand that out. When I was watching those girls happily being in their own world, it made me think about when I was that age and hanging out with my friends, I'm sure we acted in a similar carefree manner. And then I'm sure in 10-20 years from now, I'll see people my age, and think about how I was that much more innocent then (if I continue on the same thought path I am now, of course). So if we keep the sense of innocence in the time plane of "then" it would seems difficult to honestly be innocent.

What is innocence?

I was listening to a cool song by k-os the other day, "The Ballad of Noah," and he talks about overcoming struggles as a child, and how his innocence was deterred, but his inner strength prevailed, and now his innocence is returned. And that got me thinking about how if I could return to that child-like innocence, maybe life would more enjoyable, and I wouldn't filter every moment through the experiences of the past.

But there is a problem. The same experiences that chipped away at my innocence are the same ones that hide innocence's true nature from my soul. What is innocence, and does it have to be child-like?

I define innocence as child-like because it is the purest form. Children have no choice but to be innocent, because they have not experienced the type of pain that causes them to not trust. So is innocence trust? And if so, of whom or what?

I think trust is a key element, but it needs to be more like a type of blind trust, wherein you are not making a conscience decision to trust, you just do because that is your nature.

I think another element to innocence is adventurous curiosity. I initially thought curiosity alone was enough, but there is the opportunity to be complacently curious, and there needs to be activity and intention behind actions. A baby doesn't sit on the floor and wait for someone to put something in it's mouth, it crawls around putting anything and everything in it's mouth.

So far, innocence to me involves a trusting soul that is open to experiences, and a sense of curiosity that actively seeks experiences. (Notice the commonality in those 2 traits?)

This is all for now. I really want to hear what you all have to say, especially those of you with children, as you have had the chance to see pure innocence in your own flesh and blood, and what impact that has had on your own innocence.

Fucking Gnats

I have a gnat infestation in my office, and it is getting worse. I keep forgetting to bring in my home remedies (vinegar and dish soap) but I have gnat guts all over my office from smashing them against my desk and the walls, they are crazy little buggers.

So I have not posted in a while, I'm not sure why. I have been thinking through a bunch of stuff the past week or so. I started reading a book by Deepak Chopra called "The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desires" And no Ian, it is not about what you think, you cheeky bastard. It deals with recognizing coincidences in your everyday life, and then harnessing their power to better see our destiny.

I'm about 150 pages in, and the biggest thing I have taken from it so far, is that many of the things I think about the soul, energies and love, are not as unique as I thought. That may seem like a bad thing, but actually I've been very relieved. For one thing, Chopra has a much stronger personal trust in his beliefs, and is therefore able to articulate more clearly his thoughts and philosophies, and that is something I've been working towards.

Lately, many of my thoughts about my personal philosophy have been moments of clarity surrounded by millions of other thoughts. I am working to refine them, but when my only sounding board is my own brain, productive conclusions are hard to come by (one of the reasons for this blog.)